How do you respond to “I’m sorry for your loss” sometimes?
Question by chillin: How do you respond to “I’m sorry for your loss” sometimes?
So, I’m not complaining. I know it’s just habit/custom for people to say that, and there are plenty of situations where I respond to things with “I”m sorry.” too.
But my mom died not too long ago, and that seems to be the one thing people say that absolutely drives me insane…along with “Are you okay?” but that’s another story.
I just never know how I’m supposed to respond.
I usually just say “Thank you” and give an awkward half smile or “Thanks, I appreciate it.”
But is that an inappropriate response?
I know a lot of people respond with “It’s okay”…but that would be lying, and I don’t really feel like that’s an appropriate way for me to respond to such a thing either.
And it just seems to get so old. I’ve heard that phrase more times in the past 2 months than I have in the 18 years I’ve been on this earth. I mean how else do you respond to that?
Thank you all. And to Rusty-Did I not say I wasn’t complaining?!…I was just concerned that my response was wrong and there was something more I could say to them. Cause it’s always pretty awkward to just be like “Thank you.”
Best answer:
Answer by Melissa
I think saying thank you is absoloutley fine. If you feel comfortable with that person, don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind like “thank you, it’s been very hard on me” type thing. Just keep in mind that people generally don’t know what to say or how to react around people who are grieving. They are only trying to help and are doing it the best they can. I guess it’s better than if they said nothing at all.
Add your own answer in the comments!
you could also say. “yeah…”, or “i know…..” or “mmhmmmm…” but thanks and thanks, i appreciate it are much better.
i keep silent.. i don’t say a word in response. i give people an awkward half smile but i never speak…
I usually say,well they are in a better place than we are,they just get to meet Jesus first! or you could reply ,shes not loss “shes with me in spirit”,,shes alive just not here on earth,,we are only apart for a while,,till we meet again in heaven!
You could say something like “This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. You could add that the old saying that goes “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” is very true. It’s not a sin to show your emotions. Hey, they asked-right? You gave them an honest answer. Nothing wrong with that. I have found that just talking to a person helps. If the person just sits and listens to you, comments just a little, is a big help. It helps you get things off your chest It kind of upset me when someone would say something like “I’m there for you.” but offer little or no real help.
I simple, ‘thank you for caring ” is more than enough. Why are you making a big deal out of compassion?
What you’ve been saying is just fine. Try to remember that they don’t know what to say either! When you say “Thank you”, you’re thanking them not for what they said, but for demonstrating sympathy, even if it’s not a very successful attempt. And you’re right; “it’s okay” IS a lie. You don’t have to be ok, and you don’t have to pretend to be ok, and you don’t have to SAY you’re ok. So when they ask you if you’re ok, you can tell them “no I’m not. My mother died, and I’m not ok”. If it’s someone you trust, you can go on to tell them how you feel, WHAT you feel. If not, you could say, “I will be eventually”. Because that is NOT a lie.
1. You have send the dead cards to people
2. you receive a condolences from the people
3. In the church or other function mostly there’s a remembrance card given of the one who passed
4.Normally you don’t respond on the condolence it’s not a marriage, people have to respect your in grieve and in more silence.
Take care in these hard times I know how it feels, my mother past away 7 years ago and it still feels if it was yesterday.
Just nod your head. No words should even be used in a reply. Just a nod.
You are very lucky that people are actually speaking to you at all!
After the death of my father – I actually witnessed people crossing over the road so that they didn’t have to broach the subject with me. There is a lot of embarrasment around the subject – and especially here in England – the showing of emotions is just not done!
However – when people did come up to me and say ‘sorry for your loss’ – I would reply ‘thank you – you are very kind’.
It put them at ease and it did not need further explanation of my inner feelings.
I think that – even at the time when you are in greatest pain – you still have to put others feelings into the frame- it takes a lot to approach someone when you really do not know how they are going to react.
And by the way – and no need to reply!
Sorry for your loss.
It does get better.
It is ackward and annoying I know! However, the polite thing to do is to say thank you. I’ve also been on the other end of the stick going “do I say something, ahhhh…..” just say thank-you and leave out the smile.
When the question of “are you okay” or “how are you holding up” or something similar is said, I just started to say “every day is better than the one before, thank-you.”
The worse I find are people who want to nurture the hurt, almost like they want to hear ALL about how hard it has been!
Eventually they stop. For me, I only started to come to terms with my loss when people stopped saying these things to me.
Good Luck!
“Thank You,” is the appropriate response, and I know sometimes being reminded of grief even in condolences can just rip the pain open again. You could try:
“Thank you; I really dont want to think/talk about it.”
When you are grieving, it is acceptable to convey you need space. People try to rally around to show they love you, or to try to sense your needs. Indicate in that way politely that your need is space…and after a while they will back off.
That is a hard one. People ask you how you are doing simply because it is easier that letting on how little they care.
I think they say it because they don’t know what to say and they feel obligated to say something. I lost a childhood friend of 38 years, 2 months ago and people are still telling me how sorry they are. Sorry for what? They didn’t know her if they did they would not have been able to go out into public for a month for fear of breaking down crying at an entirely inappropriate time, does that make them sorry?
The same thing happened when my mom died, after awhile I wanted to grab them around the throat and strangle them and then say..”I’m sorry” or knock their teeth out and say “I am sorry about your loss”. Just so they could see, it really doesn’t help, nor does it bring back the loss.
If I had an answer for you I would give it to you, I have searched for an answer myself. I think it goes to the fact they feel they have to say something, but they simply have no idea what to say.
When they loose someone they love, they will understand how meaningless it all is.
They annoy you with that comment because they care about you, and want to make sure you are alright.
Your response (Thanks, I appreciate it) is polite and good enough.
You can also (Thank you, I truly appreciate your sincere feelings and concern) and continue you giving your (half smile).
That’s the way life is, unless something new comes up they’ll continue making sure to check on how you are doing and telling your their polite remarks on how they are sorry.
It might bother you, and keeps reminding you… just bear it and keep reminding yourself (they mean good, they are doing so becuause they care, I appreciate their concern).
Best wishes dear!
Anytime you lose someone special to you, you lose a piece of yourself. Sure, time does heal over the surface but there will always be that hole, down inside. Don’t worry about small things like that.
“Thank you” is a perfectly adequate response and these people are just trying to do the right thing. It’s fine to say you are not OK, too-they don’t really expect you to be.
just say thank you and move on unless you feel like sharing. people are just trying to express their sympathy but i understand sometimes its the last thing you need.
People say “I’m sorry for your loss.” for two reasons. 1/ because they are. 2/ because they don’t know what to say that would be comforting. Generally, these people feel just as awkward as you do, and are trying to say something, but there really isn’t anything that they could say that would help. Just say thank you, and remember that they are trying to help.
Thank you is the appropriate response. When they say they are sorry for your loss, they are saying very simply that they care about you, know you are hurting and are sorry (not the kind of sorry like it is their fault) you are experiencing that kind of pain. By saying thank you, you acknowlege their sentiment and are grateful that someone cares for you.
Don’t make more out of it than it is. Limit your discomfort with the topic and keep it simple with thank you.
Your responses are perfect. Don’t change them at all.
As tired as you are of hearing it, people who want to comfort you sometimes really do not know what to say in a situation where they feel something must be said. Just know that these people are communicating that they care about you and what you are going thru. I’m sorry for anyone who has lost someone they love. Perhaps it is the simplest truthful thing they can say to you. Just consider the spirit of the message.
It really is to bad that people cared about your mother!!! Buck up say thank you. It really is to bad that your mother died. But news flash people die. Get through it like everybody else. Those people that are saying I am sorry for you loss are trying too.
Just say “thank you” – there’s really nothing more you can respond with.
You simply say “Thank You”. if you are comfortable with the person you might say something about your Mom. You could say,,, I always knew I’d look back at the tears & laugh, but I never I never knew that I’d look back at the laughs and cry… If you are not comfortable in sharing with the person a simple “Thank You” is enough. I know you are tired of hearing the same phrase over and over again,. And you are probably thinking to yourself that they are not being sincere but that they don’t know what to say or do, All of that is normal thinking. I also know it sucks. For lack of a better term. You lost your Mom and now everyone is acting weird around you and saying the same thing over and over again, and all you really want is for things to go back to the way they were or at least for everybody to stop saying it. They will believe it or not. Just hang in there and do what you feel is right in your response. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings or being polite. Worry about yourself for the time being. Good luck to you.
Having lost almost my entire family, I can empathize with you. Saying thank you is probably the best response. When they ask if you’re okay, it would be all right to say, “I’m working on it”. or something equally inane. It’s a hard question and I can imagine you wish people would just give you a hug or a look of compassion. I guess if they ask if there’s something they can do for you, you can say a hug or compassion.
Wel, the reason they say those things is because, they don’t really know what to say either. They know that you are in pain and they don’t want to hurt you. And if someone ask, “are you OK?” it’s alright to say that you are not. They know that you’ re going through a hard time and they’ll understand. Just tell them that you don’t have to think of anything perfect to say, just be there for me.
Lots off people don’t know what to say.But if they say something and you feel they care about you just say thanks.Now if they are an close friend or an person you trust please open up and vent your heart out.
I think these questions drive you insane because you feel put upon to respond and don’t know how. They’re both commonly used ways that people try to express the unexpressable pain they know you must feel. Look at it this way, at least they cared enough to say something at all.
To the statement “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you so much for your concern. I miss her very much.”
To the question “Are you ok?”:
“I think so. I’m hurting but I’m taking it one day at a time and getting through.”
you are doing fine with your response. just be natural, your still grieving. and i am sorry for your loss.
It is already very difficult to hold in your emotions when the death is so recent in your mind. You are trying to hold in your tears because if you cry people will feel uncomfortable and feel sorry for you. For the people who say “I am sorry for your loss” just leave it at that and don’t continue. If the person wants to share something else with you then let them but if they are not ready don’t push them to talk.